by Infertility Blows

We’ve all seen the headlines. Meghan and Harry Decide it’s Time to Have a Baby! This terminology constantly has my head spinning in an exorcist fashion. They DECIDED to? Like there’s a magic wand to be waved when the time is right to reproduce? It’s like an editorial punch to the face. THE bitch slap of wording to anyone who wishes their decision was one able to be made. It’s the underlying notion that it really is that easy; when a couple decides they are ready, they shall conceive.

So then what are we all shaking in our boots for ladies? Declare it’s time and thou offspring shall come. HA!

But it’s not only the rich and famous who decide, is it?

It’s our coworkers. It’s Tara in Accounting, freshly wed and “trying” two cycles. Oh the agony of the wait!

It’s our friends. Well, Andrew and I have been married two years, so you know, we’ve had our fun. 😉 We just thought it was time to start a family!

It’s the people we don’t really know, but follow on social media. Surprise! We prayed and he answered. Baby Duncan coming Spring 2019!

Of course it is a choice to start trying, but this idea that having a baby is as easy as “we decided to do it”, is not the reality for many of us. So maybe it’s time to retire this passively insensitive wording and swap it out for something a little more relatable to the masses.

Perhaps something like, We’re so lucky it worked for us! We hoped we’d be pregnant soon, but knew it was out of our control.

Out. Of. Our. Control.
Out of their control, the ones who it worked right away.
Out of your control, the one who it hasn’t yet.
Out of the doctors control. They can help, but as far as I’m aware, technology hasn’t found a way to assure the egg will attach in the womb. Blessed be the day when they can, but for now, we all need to be in agreeance, that having a baby, is out of our control!

So since we’ve gotten that ugly truth out of the way, let’s turn our attention over to some of the things that we can.

The things we can control while trying to conceive.

Personal Health:
It’s been said by healthcare professionals and holistic guider’s alike, that being in optimal health will increase your chances of not only conceiving, but carrying a baby full term. The main takeaway is to keep your BMI in a healthy range (i.e. workout and don’t eat shit all the time). This gets a little dicey in terms of what’s too much and what’s just enough.

I personally, like to follow the 80/20 approach – do mostly good and a little bad. Like last night, when I ate a whole Dominos medium pizza to myself. That was bad…so tonight, I’m going to not do that.

Exercise 4-5 times a week, even if it’s just a long walk, and rest the remainder. Be good in the morning and have some fun later. Eat your avocado toast for breakfast and kale salad with chicken for lunch, but have a steak for dinner. I don’t believe that depriving yourself is helpful, particularly in our emotionally fragile states, but over-doing it – like anything else – can be more harmful than proactive. When you get pregnant, you’re going to gain the necessary weight needed to safely house your nugget, so keep it lean now, in preparation for then. They say it will make things easier on you and your baby while it’s residing in your incredibly hospitable belly. Plus, having a strong core has been said to ease discomfort during childbirth. Yes, it’s still going to hurt like hell. You’re pushing several pounds of flesh out of your perfectly proportioned vagina. But, if there are little ways that could make you feel better now and then, why not try them?

Do your kegels. Move around. Eat some greens. Enjoy your cake. Eat it too.

Your Surroundings:
Don’t roll your eyes, or do (I don’t care) but it’s true. We may not be able to pinpoint exactly what’s happening inside of our gorgeously fickle bods, but we can choose who we let under our skin. They say negativity can wear at your mental health like an infection in the bloodstream. And it’s true, when have you ever felt “good” after speaking ill about a friend, a colleague, a family member? It may be relieving in the moment, the I just HAD to get that off my chest mentality, but later on, I bet you think about it. I bet you worry, even just a little, about the words you used. The words that were said, whether true or not, whether emotionally charged or calm, meant or misunderstood. Because words matter. They stick around. They are not to be taken lightly.

We will inevitably muck up from time to time. We’re human. We all vent. But next time pay attention to how you feel after those negative feelings are expressed. Do you really feel better? Or did bringing an emotion to light add more weight to your already heavy load?

Distance yourself from the people who bring out the ugly in you. Maybe not forever, but for now. Do it for yourself. Don’t let the drama of them load you up. We all carry our own, and right now yours may be sadness, grief, frustration – and that’s enough. Don’t you think?

Be there for your loved ones. Let them be there for you. Vent to one another about what’s important, but leave the pollution out of it. Everyone wins when purity prevails.

Now, we all know there are some people we cannot avoid. That over-the-top coworker who enjoys telling you how tired you look.  Or that Grandparent who thinks making a baby in a petri dish is just not right. And there will be situations where these negative comments creep in without warning, seep under the door and flood your insides. You can’t control what they say, but how you react is up to you.

I’m going to write that again, because it’s something I could DESPERATELY work on.


Crying in the bathroom is not the answer (although sometimes necessary).

A snide comment in return will likely not make you feel better later (as discussed above).

Over explaining your point-of-view may not be worth your breath (and likely not understood).

So try brushing it off. Try doing nothing at all. Try not getting worked up. Just try to remember this is your journey, not theirs. And if you can, maybe take a day off from whoever or whatever is weighing you down. Skip that family brunch, or passing by that workers desk. Don’t return the call. Take care of you.

Avoiding what you’re going through is not an option. You’re in it. You’re already waist deep. But you can control your surroundings.

We can at least try.

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