We’ve all been there. That point in this journey where we are ready to give up. Maybe not forever, but for a minute, because in that moment we can’t imagine taking one more step. Paying one more bill. Giving one more vial of blood. Getting one more shot. Waiting one more day to hear news that breaks our hearts.
So we surrender. We surrender to the fight, if only for the day. We go see a movie. We turn off our phones. We skip dinner with friends. We retreat into ourselves by letting the outside world in. The world that doesn’t know or care what we’re going through. The manicurist who smiles and paints. The shop owner who tells us we look fabulous in that dress. The waiter who insists on the chocolate molten lava cake for dessert. We go everywhere and visit everyone who is not involved in our infertility journey. Who will not ask how things are going or give us looks of grief and pity.
We hide for a day, a month, a year – however long it takes. We hide from infertility like a child hides under the covers. We hide until we feel safe. Until we feel ready to crawl out of bed and face the darkness.
And that’s okay.
In fact, it’s more than okay, it’s necessary. Sometimes it’s necessary for you, sometimes it’s for your partner and sometimes it’s simply for your heart. Is this post advocating that you give up? Never. But it is suggesting that you give yourself breaks when needed. That you listen to that voice inside that says, I can’t take anymore right now. That you say “no” when necessary and “yes” when able. That you get there on your own time.
If we’ve all learned one thing about infertility, it’s that we are OUT OF CONTROL. So control what you can, which in this case is your heart, mental health and overall happiness. Yes, I know, a baby would make us most happy but don’t lose sight of the other things that do. Whatever that means to you, however you have to get there, choose to take care of your inner you and allow a little life to creep in.